God has given me a challenge.

I have never been one that has patience. Never. Once I get an idea into my head, it must be done right then. It can't wait a week, two days, or even an hour.

But right now patience is the only thing I have and the belief that God knows and understands my feelings and is strengthening me. I am unable to take things into my own hands and all I can do is wait and try to grow my patience. 

But somedays I get angry. I get sad. I cry. And then I forget. And I have to believe and know that God is merciful, understanding, and loves me. Which can be really hard to grasp when you're undergoing a challenge. It's easy to know, love, and understand the gospel when things are going perfect in your life. It's not so easy when you feel as though the devil has been sitting on your back, waiting for you to crumble. 

But that's why we are given tender mercies, a good book to reflect on, and prayers that go straight to Heaven. 

God is good and God is love. 

| "Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can--working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" --Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Work Out Music

So I've been working out three times a week, way too early in the morning--like 5:30 AM. Trying to run 2-3 miles while still waking up is a little difficult. I've never really listened to music while running, but right now it's a must. And it's just a personal preference, but I really don't like the high tempo weird aerobic music, or heavy rap. I need less fast, less swearing and more of a steady pace. So what music do I listen to?
This was my playlist today--the playlist that helped me run an extra ten minutes, battle through ten minutes of intensive uphill-treadmill action, and stay awake without tipping over with exhaustion.

1. Dog Problems by The Format
It's the perfect song to start warming up--starting slow but gaining speed while keeping up the beat. It just also happens to be a really great song.

2. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers
Not only is this the best song in the world, it's also really great to jog to. Whenever I hear this while I'm working out it kind of makes me want to burst out into song. (You should also listen to the cover by Sleeping At Last. Not a great workout song, but a beautiful song.)

3. Everlasting Light by The Black Keys
Let me be your everlasting light
The sun when there is none
I'm a shepherd for you
And I'll guide you through
Let me be your everlasting light

4. My Generation by The Who
It's just so good.

5. Bad Kids by Black Lips
Happy songs really do make you run faster.

6. No Church In The Wild by Jay Z, Kanye West, Frank Ocean
I take back what I said about rap. Anything that's on the Gatsby Soundtrack is a-okay by me. 

7. Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding
This song doesn't even have that fast of a tempo, and it's not what I usually listen to, but it's the only thing that keeps me going when I feel like I'm going to die.

8. Pursuit of Happiness by Lissie
I AGAIN take back what I said about rap. Lissie does this Kid Cudi song justice and I know it swears but it's the BEST to listen to when you're jogging and trying to cool down.

9. Vagabond by Wolfmother
Oh girl I don't know all the reasons why,
I found the answer lookin' in your eye,
I go out walking all day long,
Take away this lonely man soon he will be gone,
Cause I'll tell you everything about living free,
Yes I can see you girl can you see me,

10. Cruel by St. Vincent
I found St. Vincent in my Rock in Roll History class and I've never been the same.

What are some of your favorite work out songs?

Wedding Bells.

So since I'm getting married in April, I am of course all over Pinterest looking up colors, dresses, accessories, etc. I got engaged back in September and have changed my mind countless times. From a woodsy theme to a Gatsby theme, from pastel colors to bright colors. But I'm a strong believer that your wedding should reflect the love you share--not the latest wedding trends of 2014. So I started thinking outside of the box and it's really hard to try to capture the essence of the relationship sometimes (unfortunately for wedding planning his favorite things consist of movies that begin with "Star" and computer-geeky things) BUT I'm lucky enough to have a very easy going fiancé who supports every phase of the wedding planning, and I really wanted to capture the love we have. The theme of our wedding is basically an old fashioned tea party, with romantic quotes from old novels, famous love letters, and tea cups galore. I. Am. So. Excited. 

My inspiration? 

 

A few Christmases ago my mom bought me a book capturing the most beautifully written love letters of all time. Since then, I'm obsessed with writers and their love. Seriously nothing is more beautiful than Zane Grey's letters and John Keats. I burst into tears. 

Poetry is always, always beautiful. 

Jane Austen themed. Holy cuss I died over these pictures. 

I am such a fan of tea cups ever since I saw an Alice in Wonderland themed party. So whimsical and refreshing. 

My mom will be making my cake, which means so much to me. I hate fondant and the huge cakes that take weeks and weeks to eat. This cake is beautiful and simple and I love the use of wild flowers. 

I saw these boots on Pinterest and immediately wanted to be transported into the Victorian Era. From October to April I am only ever wearing boots. So I only thought it was natural that I had to have an old fashioned wedding shoe....which is why I took a whole week and finally found these. And I bought them and they fit perfect and I could cry. 

And these are our colors. Emerald and gold are the main colors (with an added hint of black) and blush and mint are in the details. 

Obviously I can't speak about my wedding dress, because Dean will read this. But it's so beautiful and elegant and timeless. I have never worn anything so beautiful. 

On College.

 I really think that everyone overestimating this whole I-know-what-I-am-doing-with-my-life thing. My little sister is in high school right now and it's CRAZY how much they push college on those kids. It's ridiculous for us to assume that a 16 year old kid is going to know where he wants to go to school, what he wants to do, and apply for colleges.
Being in college for 2+ years has made me realize what a mistake it is for adults to harass children into picking their lifelong career goal. Because of pressure in high school, I chose college early on and signed onto being a teacher for life. Not that it's a bad thing to have aspirations in high school, but when you choose a career based on pressure, you're not rising to your full potential; you're not allowing yourself to grow.
Not to mention, choosing a career so early in life is the reason why college students go back and forth , jumping from major to major. It's so difficult to stick to something because we were never given the chance to explore and take a moment to think about what will make us happy.
Due to ridiculous career tests, nagging high school counselors, and pressure from peers, at 20 years old and in my 3rd year of college, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And although I've had countless people tell me how hard that is, it's surprisingly refreshing and enjoyable to take time and figure out what exactly my grown up self wants to be. I will no longer rely on the "Top Five Degrees of 2014" articles, I will no longer look at the money value of a degree, and I will no longer listen to people telling me what I would and would not be good at. Happiness is priceless.

The boy cat named Lucy.

So my fiancé and I were blessed with the sweetest baby kitten in October. My sister had a photo shoot up in the mountains and she found this abandoned, starving baby kitten. Being the wonderful animal lover that she is, she called me asking if I would give it a home. Dean and I immediately agreed, named her Lucy (after we were told it was a girl) and the sweet kitten has been living in our home ever since. 

We have yet to take the kitten to the vet to get it fixed (college students=no time) and my mother came over to the house to see her today. After she took one look at Lucy she said, "Talor, I think Lucy is a boy." 

Later tonight we decided to look up the differences between a female/male cat. Turns out Lucy is a boy. And I know a lot of you are thinking that we are idiots, but come on, it's our first pet and we were told by my sister (who is used to dogs/dog anatomy) that it was a girl. How were we supposed to know?!? 

So now we have the most divalicious male cat that has ever lived and he will continue being treated like the precious diva that he is. 

Now I will try to refrain from posting a million pictures of my baby prince(ess)? 

The day Lucy was saved. 

Look at that baby!!!!! 

Welcoming 2014

I have decided that 2014 is going to be the year for me.
The year that everyone wants to have--accomplishing resolutions, experiencing pure bliss and days full of happiness and love. It's going to be that year for me because I'm going to make it be the year for me.

I've decided upon several goals to accomplish by December 2014, and I will accomplish them.

I want to create more. Whether that be through writing, drawing, or painting. For so long I locked away my creativity and focused on school--not that focusing on school is a bad thing (it got me lots of good grades) but it's never healthy to say goodbye to a part of you that you didn't want to lose. It's hard and it creates resentment and sadness. I'm not going to live in sadness this year. This morning I woke up and painted--such a great feeling to welcome back creativity into your life. I could have been harsh on myself and pointed out problem areas--but I chose not to. I'm not doing this for a grade like I did in high school, I'm doing it for myself.

I want to read more. I read a lot. I read Sylvia Plath, Kerouac, Edgar Allen Poe, Jane Austen, etc. But this year I want to read more of what will spark growth; as in books on spirituality, creativity, history, science. By December I want to know more about myself, about the human intelligence, about life, about God. This year, I want to read less of somebody else's story and learn more about my own.

Which brings me to my third goal--gaining a closer friendship with God. I say friendship because it sounds more friendly and personal than "relationship." I want to learn more about Him and how to feel His presence in my life continually--not just on mere occasions. I want to lean less on myself, and more on Him.

I want to become a better person. A more compassionate person. A more loving, understanding, kind person. Which is surprisingly hard to do as I get older (even though I'm not even 21.) With each year passing I've been quicker to judge, quicker to speak boldly without thought, quick to anger. I want to let that go. I want to welcome people into my life, not dismiss them as less than me. To do this, I'm reading Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life, by Karen Armstrong. With each chapter and each month, I'm going to become more compassionate and less selfish.

2014 is going to be a wonderful year for lots of other reasons, too.
I'm getting married in April to the most fantastic human being on the earth and I'm gaining another family--a family that I already love as my own.

(Think of Me Photography)

Cheers to 2014 and to becoming more of myself.

Talor