Eternal H A P P I N E S S

This is a really personal blogpost, and I fought about putting it on here for a while, but I figured why not? We are all learning from each other's experiences.

So, Dean and I had planned on getting married April 25th. But that's not what The Lord had in mind. Our engagement isn't like most others. For the usual LDS couple, you get engaged, pick a date a few months away, call the temple to make an appointment and go from there. For us, we got engaged in September, picked a date in April, and then Dean had to get some things done. He had to get a clearance letter. A clearance letter is what you have to get after you've been divorced, stating that you can be sealed again. So we got that taken care of, and had been waiting (im)patiently for the three weeks they said it would take. 

It took f o u r. Could you imagine? If anyone were to ask me what were the worst few weeks of my life, I would say it would be those. The second that letter got sent to the First Presidency, Satan swept around me and kept me occupied the entire time. I'm sad to say that I lost hope, I wasn't patient, and I lost sight of what was important: getting married in the temple. I began to question if the First Presidency really cared, what if they made a mistake, what if the letter got lost. I pushed Dean away in frustration, sadness and desperation. I didn't lean on The Lord, my prayers were infrequent, sporadic and selfish. I felt like the letter would never get here and no one understood my pain. Which was so unrealistic and untrue. I had Dean, family members, and close friends who tried to keep me happy, calm and at peace. But I began to hate wedding planning. I dreaded going shopping for decorations, making plans, etc. Thinking of April 25th made me want to cry. 

And then the letter came. Yesterday. And we found out that they had given him clearance to get sealed to me. However, the sealing had to take place eight months away from the date of the letter, which was February 13th. That would put us getting married in October. Our question had been what do we do? Wait another eight months to get married (marking us at a year of being engaged, which for lds people, is unheard of) or do we get married civilly in April and get sealed a year later? I was so sad, hurt, and confused. 

Lucky for me, I have theeeeeee greatest parents in the world (the extra e's should show you that). They came over, they cried with me, and then they told me and Dean exactly what we needed to hear: that six months of a delayment is nothing compared to eternity, that positive things were to come out of this, and the most important: that we COULD get married in the temple. Tears of frustration instantly turned into tears of gratitude. This wasn't a letter of sadness, it was a celebratory letter. And although we could list the negatives, we decided to list the positives. We could save up money, we could go to New York for our honeymoon now, we could have a fall wedding, we could get finished working on our house, we could get married in the temple. 

So Dean and I plan on calling the temple today, and scheduling a wedding for October 16th. 

And although it wasn't the answer we were wanting, it had the important part of what we wanted: the sealing. And I know we will be so blessed for this decision, and we both feel so at peace. Those terrible four weeks are erased into unending happiness and joy. AND I woke up to a blessing in an email: I received a scholarship for the summer semester (which I wouldn't have been taking if I got married in April.) 

For the first time in weeks I woke up today feeling h a p p y and peaceful  and full of love for God and the Gospel and the apostles. They are so intune with God, I feel so ashamed I ever doubted them or Him. God is great. God is kind, and God knows what He is doing, and He is doing it for us--why should we fear? 

God is love.